[Note: the following can ALSO apply to single Christian men as well, who are dating all the “wrong types” of women in their quest to “find THE one”. And if that’s you [single Christian male reading this], read on, and just switch the viewpoint as if I’m writing to single, Christian males dating all the wrong types of women, thus far. Thanks and I hope this helps!]
Today’s society places such great importance on love and relationships. So much in fact, that countless numbers of magazine and internet articles are inundated with “relationship advice” and the like. And as a woman is walking around in public (be at the grocery store, Walmart, the mall, the movie theater), more oftentimes than not, she will see COUNTLESS numbers of “happy little couples” walking around and probably wish so desperately that she were part of one herself. And then, if she’s Christian or church-going, she will oftentimes hear sermon after sermon on marriage and family, over and over again, which no doubt sends her the false message that says: “hey, God only values you if you are dating someone, engaged or married”, which can thus, likely make her feel SO ALONE in this world!
But one thing we know from the bible (specifically, near the very beginning of Genesis) is that God values relationships (specifically, those that lead to marriage). And many a single Christian woman will ask herself the fateful question: “if God cared SO MUCH about making sure that Adam wasn’t alone, then why does he seem to care so very little about MY being alone?” and it’s a question that resonates VERY, VERY deeply into the human woman’s soul. When, as a woman, one sees countless numbers of happy little couples walking around, it is easy for a woman to feel jealous or to feel as though something must be wrong with her if so and so is in a relationship but yet, she herself is not.
When that occurs, some women get tired and fed up of waiting, thinking something along the lines of “well, God is sure taking his sweet-heck of a time finding a suitable man/spouse for me, so I think I’m just gonna speed up the process a little bit”. So then what happens, as a result? Answer: They end up dating and/or marrying the wrong guy. They end up dating or settling for Mr. He’s-Not-A-True-Christian-But-I-Love-Him-Anyways, Mr. Maybe, Mr. Right Now, or Mr. Maybe-He-Loves-Me-But-I-Don’t-Know-For-Sure-And-Love-Him-Too-Much-To-Leave. And the results are DISASTROUS!
These women later usually end up being CHEATED ON by these wrong-for-them type boyfriends or husbands or vice versa. Bottom line is, SHE is not fulfilled due to the guy’s LACK of faith/no faith while HE is not fulfilled DUE to her faith. It’s a no-win situation, folks!
They then later end up breaking up or getting divorced and any children that are a product of such “un-evenly yoked” unions tend to suffer from LIFELONG SCARS brought on by the breakup/divorce (one of those lifelong scars may be that they don’t know what real love is or how to have or seek out a good/healthy relationship/marriage someday and will have a statistically higher chance of getting divorced (or having unfulfilling relationships) themselves someday and the pattern repeats itself, over and over again usually, which is tragic).
So what’s an illustrated example of when a woman goes for the wrong type of guy? Well, lets say a woman likes this guy that isn’t a Christian (and he can be atheist, Muslim, Hindu, Mormon, Pagan, Catholic, etc.) And this guy gots alot of good qualities, but he’s not Christian. So the woman thinks to herself: “well, I know he’s not Christian but he gots all these other good qualities….so perhaps it doesn’t matter that much that he’s not Christian…..perhaps I could later get him to convert to Christianity AFTER we get married……I mean….as long as he’s ok with MY being Christian, it will all turn out okay, right?” And usually what happens with that situation is that the guy NEVER CHANGES/NEVER CONVERTS and both the woman AND the guy in question are HIGHLY unfulfilled and bitterness/resentment/divorcement ensue!
OR….in OTHER cases……if the woman decides NOT to date anymore non-Christian guys in her life, the “guy” they’re interested in might even go so far as to try to make her feel BAD or like a “hateful, religious bigot” for refusing to date him since he’s not Christian/not interested in becoming Christian. So then what usually happens? The guy will oftentimes “pretend” like he’s Christian, just to get in a woman’s pants/etc……
OR…..the woman’ll maybe cave and decide she’d rather have more of HIM and less of Jesus in her life. And that’s tragic. Because when we put the “opinion” of others BEFORE the almighty opinion of God, we’ve done ourselves (and the Lord) a SERIOUS disservice! It’s like saying to the Lord, “I’m sorry, Lord….but your opinion on what constitutes a GOOD MAN and a GOOD RELATIONSHIP’s not important enough to me. MY opinion is FAR more superior than YOURS Lord, so just DEAL WITH IT!”
Another thing a single Christian woman might experience is when a non-Christian or wayward Christian woman seems to have more luck in love and relationships than SHE herself does. So then she will likely start to doubt and question God as in, “Hey there! Wait a minute, I’m a Christian, she’s not…..or a wayward one at best, so why does SHE have a boyfriend and/or husband, and I don’t?” It might seem to her that God is somehow favoring the non-Christian/wayward Christian woman and NOT her (the Christian woman) since God had somehow allowed the non-Christian/wayward Christian woman to have a boyfriend/husband before her. But ya know what, ladies? The grass is NOT always greener on the other side. And you don’t know what goes on inside that relationship or that marriage.
Maybe her boyfriend/husband doesn’t pay any attention to her and is a real jerk to her (behind closed doors). Maybe he never gets anything for her on her birthday, wedding anniversary, etc. or takes her for granted. Or maybe it was one of those “starter marriages” without deep, specific meaning. OR……if her husband DOES treat her really, really good, maybe that is the Lord’s way of trying to secretly draw HER (the “said” non-Christian woman/wayward Christian woman) TO him (the great Lord above) and THAT could never be a bad thing, right? 😉
And besides, if it could happen for the non-Christian woman, then it could MOST CERTAINLY happen for the Christian woman someday, right? 🙂 Sometimes it just takes the Lord awhile to create the most perfect combination in a man.
But for the Christian woman, it’s much better if she waits for the RIGHT MAN (as in, BIBLICAL CHRISTIAN MAN) then wasting all her time dating all the “wrong guys”. That’s not to say that she can’t learn from relationships with non-Christian men and even love and value the man VERY highly but IF the single Christian woman wants to align herself with the TRUE 100% will of God, then the guy she dates MUST be a biblical-based Christian. No exceptions.
And, hey, LOOK….I know and realize that that’s a VERY hard thing for women these days to do, especially since biblically-based Christian men these days are SO few and far between. And then there’s the popular phenomena with “Christian dating sites”. A Christian lady might think it’s the way to go. But ladies, be careful. There’s many male “creepers” out there who are just looking for some “good Christian virgins to be with”, etc. That’s why you ladies out there should be EVER so careful about whom you trust and correspond with online.
In fact, many more “creepers” themselves are starting to go to Christian dating sites to pick their “victims”. Don’t be ONE of them, ladies! Be smart. Never meet one of a guy off a Christian dating site alone. NEVER give out your address or phone number right away. Pray to Jesus about Jesus’s will. And if this guy doesn’t align with Jesus’s will for your life, you better step up and pay attention, ladies!
That being said, what sorts of traits should a single Christian woman look for in a man? Lets example some biblical principles……
1. Is the guy a Christian? And by Christian, I DON’T mean Catholic, Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness, etc.! I mean, is he a TRUE biblical Christian (Jewish roots Christian is EVEN BETTER)?
2. If he’s a Christian, how is his relationship with the Lord? Does he read the bible and pray often? Does he have a conversion story? Is he thankful for all that the Lord has given him?
3. How does he treat YOU and make YOU feel? Is he patient, considerable, respectful of your time? Does he call or text you when he’s going to be late meeting you? Does he comfort you when you’re sad? Is he happy for you when you are successful? Does he encourage you when you need encouragement or reassurance?
4. Do his values align with YOUR values? For example, if you want kids someday, does he want kids as well? And if you don’t want kids someday, does he also not want kids someday? Or if he does want kids, is he willing to forgo having them to make you happy?
5. Is he willing to save sex until marriage? This one is important. If he is, hold onto that man for dear life and don’t let go, women! 😉
6. Is he willing to do bible study with you each week and/or go to couples counseling with you if your relationship or marriage hits a rough patch?
7. Is he willing to COMMUNICATE and COMPROMISE with you, in order to make your relationship work? This one’s also important. For if a man isn’t willing to communicate or compromise with you early on in the relationship, what good would that guy be in a marriage?
On the other hand……..here are some red flags that a single Christian woman should NOT tolerate in a spouse/dating partner……..
1. He is verbally, emotionally, psychologically, sexually or physically abusive…….
2. He constantly blames YOU for all the problems in the relationship and WILL NOT take the blame for what HE does wrong……..
3. He is hypercritical or super-super religious as in, he constantly criticizes your cooking/etc. or demands you have long hair and wear long skirts all the time…….
4. He lies to you or cheats on you……
5. He pays child support on other children and doesn’t tell you………
6. He/she is a mama’s boy and expects you to do EVERYTHING for him and does practically NOTHING for you in return……
7. He never takes you out on dates, never tells you he loves you, never does things to show he cares……
8. He doesn’t take the Lord OR you seriously and promises to change bad habits but then never does……….
9. He laughs at your emotional pain on certain things and claims you are being “too sensitive”…..
10. He/she tells you how “hot” other women are…..
11. He blows you off, doesn’t call or text back when he says he will and makes you feel really, really bad about yourself…….
12. He BELITTLES your “Christian religion” (this is HUGE, LADIES! Probably one of THE biggest red flags out there!)
13. He “borrows money” from you all the time and never pays you back or expects YOU to pay for things all the time!
14. He has an alcohol or drug problem
15). Etc. Etc.
Sometimes, for all the singles out there, it’s VERY, VERY easy to grow disillusioned and want to date the next person that comes along that we “think” we feel a total emotional/physical attraction type connection with. But we all MUST remember: Jesus Christ knows best. It might “seem” at times that he’s forgotten about all the single Christians down here on this Earth but trust me, he has NOT forgotten about all the single people out there!
[“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” – [Matthew 6:33] and “Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?” – [Matthew 6:26]
For example, if we had to be COMPLETELY honest with ourselves, we all have an extensive list of what we’d ideally want in the perfect mate, right? Like, some of us might want an extremely “nerdy” Christian, while others of us might desire a more social, outspoken Christian. Basically, we all got our different types that we like.
And hey, if we were to all be COMPLETELY honest with ourselves, how many times have us single souls (both males and females out there) prayed to the Lord something along the following: “Lord, if you could send a mate into my life that’s _______, Christian, _____ and _______[personality-wise], is into _______ and ________ [hobbies], is ______ feet tall, has ________ colored eyes and _____ hair and speaks with a _____ accent, I’d really, really appreciate it”???? haha 😉 Well, lets face it, that’s quite a tall order that the Lord must then fill. And it could take awhile before he finds JUST the right combination in a person and gets that person to be at the right place at the right time, etc.
So single Christians out there, ya’ll got TWO choices: to wait on the good Lord above to send the RIGHT person into your lives (no matter how long it takes) and be TRULY blessed in life and in love when it DOES happen for ya OR not wait on the Lord, find a “mate” prematurely and then get your heart broken immediately afterwards because you tried to go on your OWN timing instead of the Lord’s timing. The choice is up to you, singles! But don’t say I didn’t warn you! 😉