Posts tagged ‘Disobeying the Lord’

Self-Sabotaging: I Never Knew……Until NOW….

Self-sabotaging.

It can come in many other forms besides just drugs, crime, self-cutting, etc.

It took me awhile to see this, but I have most recently discovered that I am my own worst enemy; meaning that I am the only one who’s sabotaging myself and my life. And trust me, that was a hard pill for me to swallow.

Most recently, the Lord Jesus has shown me just how MUCH I’ve been self-sabotaging myself and my relationships in my life and also just how MUCH my life would be different if I were to lean on him and TRUST him, instead of just always trying to do things MY way.

I’ve seen Christians judging other Christians right and left and I always used to say to myself “I’ll never be like one of those”. Looking back however, it kind’ve reminds me of the parable/story in the bible where two men go to pray. One of them says “thank you Lord that I am not like THOSE men” while the other man said “oh Lord, please have mercy on me, a sinner!” The first man was a Pharisee and the second man was a poor man. And in my own self-righteousness in my past, I became like the Pharisee (something I had always sworn to myself that I’d never become).

But anyways, back to the story. So due to my employment struggles and life struggles, I began to feel disillusioned and like the whole entire world was against me (even those close to me). I began to think negative thoughts of myself and others over time (I admit this to my shame) and then, it wasn’t long before the “resentment” started to eat away at me and consume me. I then became VERY pessimistic of a person and even downright “irritated” with people who were happy and joyous in life or that trusted the Lord completely. (Though deep, deep down, I was jealous. I wanted to trust the Lord as much as THEY did and to also feel the joy that THEY feel, being right with God). But the Devil kept tearing away at me night and day saying “you’re already too far gone, there’s no hope for you” and “Jesus hates you now”.

And for awhile there (I also admit this to my shame), I started believing the Devil’s lies. And it wasn’t long before I wasn’t able to trust anyone or ANY THING in my life. Whenever someone was friendly with me, I’d say to myself “yeah right, they’re being fake with me”. Whenever a guy would try to innocently look at me or ask me out, I’d say “yeah right, he probably only wants one thing”. Whenever I had a friend say to me “don’t worry about your past friends that stabbed you in the back, I never would”, I’d think “yeah right, you’re probably just as bad if not WORST than my other friends”. And whenever I’d get a job interview and wouldn’t get the job, I’d assume the worst and just start to automatically shut down and give up saying to myself “my gosh, if THIS place won’t hire me, then probably NOBODY will hire me!”

It even got to the point where I was even starting to get paranoid, fearing that people were talking bad about me at the grocery store, at the gas station, etc. And I even started to blame the people most close to me for all the things that were going wrong in my life, even.

Only most recently did Jesus Christ open up my eyes by more or less spiritually saying to me “Ya know what? Next to Satan, you’re your own worst sabotager and own worst enemy that I know”. He then raised his voice a little in the dream and more or less asked “WHY WON’T YOU WAIT ON ME AND TRUST ME? DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING? ESPECIALLY SINCE I CREATED THE UNIVERSE AND THE HEAVENS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN? WHY WON’T YOU TRUST ME? I **DO** HAVE A PLAN, AFTERALL….IF YOU WILL ABIDE IN ME, THAT IS….” (there seemed to be some sort of doubt or hesitation in his voice about rather or not I would abide in him or not).

But one thing is clear: the only person responsible for all the actions in my life (rather good or bad) is me, myself and I. It’s not my loved ones’ fault that I’m depressed and having trouble finding employment these days. It’s not my loves ones’ fault that none of my relationships have been successful so far. All of it is attributed to ME. Because the truth is, I’m depressed, having trouble finding employment and have yet to have a successful relationship DUE to the fact that I had most recently strayed from the Lord. And this is just the Lord chastising me.

The Lord had said to me “write this person a letter and apologize”. I didn’t do it for the longest time. The Lord said “ask this person the question ‘what are your thoughts on life & God?’ ” and I didn’t do it. The Lord said “apply for this part-time job or perhaps that one”. I didn’t do it. Instead, I just sat around and wallowed in my own self-misery for a long time, with a “woe is me” attitude. And look where that got me! It got me absolutely NOWHERE!

So please…..I beg of you! DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I’VE MADE, MOST RECENTLY! Don’t sabotage the good things in your life out of distrust or fear. Don’t refuse to obey the commands of the Lord. TRUST JESUS AND WAIT ON JESUS CHRIST and have the total FAITH that he will see you through, no matter what! Do NOT make the same mistake I did and find yourself in front of the face of Jesus in a dream with Jesus turning to you and saying that next to Satan, you are your own worst sabotager and greatest enemy!

Moral of the story? TRUST JESUS CHRIST ALWAYS……..NO MATTER WHAT. Faith is EVERYTHING. For we can not enter Jesus Christ’s “New Earth” someday without faith. Faith is the thing that will either make us or break us in the end. So please, I beg of you. If you don’t have faith, PRAY to have faith. Pray to have more faith with ALL your heart, ALL your mind, ALL your body, and ALL your spirit and it shall be granted you. MARK MY WORDS!


Procrastination: Jesus’s tears & the Devil’s playground.

“It’s okay. I’ll do it tomorrow”. And then the next day rolls around. “I don’t feel like it today. I’ll do it tomorrow”. And yet a third day rolls forth and again we say to yourselves “nah, this really don’t have to be done today. I can always do this later”.

Well, guess what, people! Jesus Christ is not a “part-time” God! Which is why we ourselves can not be “part-time” servants! The Lord up in heaven is rolling about 24/7 and doesn’t take any “breaks”, so why should WE?

Many tragedies in our very own lives could’ve been prevented had we listened to the true spiritual voice of Jesus. In fact, we could’ve prevented many bad relationships/marriages and/or situations if we had listened to Jesus Christ and done what HE wanted us to do at the time that HE wanted us to do it!

For example, lets say you’re a woman who’s caught up in the wrong relationship….a relationship that’s taking you away from Jesus. So the Lord says to that woman “leave him. Forget him and follow me, instead”. If you’re like most women who’s desperately in love with your man, you’re probably gonna cling to your man for awhile and “put off” leaving him, telling yourself “it’s okay, I’ll do it in a couple of days” or “I’ll do it a couple of weeks from now”. And then 1 week turns into 1 month turns into YEARS. And lets face it, that is WILLFUL DISOBEDIENCE of the Lord’s will. And we only have to turn to Revelation in the bible to see the fate of those unrepentant sinners who are either “blissfully unaware” of their sins or that CHOOSE to continue to live in them….Need I say anything more?

Or perhaps you’re a man or woman who was either layed off or quit your job. And so the Lord says “find another job”. And well, in today’s economy, it’s quite TEMPTING to give in to feelings of fear, disillusionment, anger…..even laziness. But the longer we “put off” trying to find a job, the longer we are actually giving in to Satan and Satan’s power and once again drowning out the voice of Jesus.

That’s all procrastination really boils down to. Drowning out the voice of Jesus Christ.

And then there’s those unfortunate souls out there who KNOW they are not right with God, who KNOW there’s things they must still do/repent of and of whom KNOW they’re not doing what Jesus asked/that they are “knowingly” drowning out the voice of Jesus. But yet, they turn around and *lament* about their knowledge that they are headed for HELL when they die….

Well, my friends, Jesus Christ can NOT help you if you don’t cry out to him. Even if you don’t FEEL like crying out to him, do it anyways! TRUST ME ON THIS!

Pray to him “Lord, I feel angry, I feel disillusioned with the job market, I feel drained of energy and lazy. I know I’m not right with you. I know I’ve lost my motivation to be right with you. But please GIVE ME the motivation to be right with you. Please guide me INTO a right path with you. Please make your heavenly voice SO LOUD within my soul that there’s NO mistaking it and NO drowning it out, no matter what. Please make your will SO obvious that to me, it’s UNDENIABLE. Please show me what I’m doing right and what I need to do better. Oh Lord, please have mercy on me, a sinner!”

Now, going back to how Jesus wants us to do things at times when HE wants us to do it. Perhaps you’re at the grocery store and the Lord suddenly wants you to ask someone a question (even if the question isn’t anything about religion). But you think that’s weird and so you don’t do it. And then, that person later ends up getting injured by a drunk driver. Maybe those 30+ seconds spent asking them the question would’ve delayed the time-plane interval enough where they wouldn’t have gotten into the accident….

See, the Lord knows everything that’s gonna happen way ahead of time. Just like the Lord also knows how to prevent certain things, as well. However, the Lord can NOT intervene with human free will. So theoretically speaking, rather or not “person B” ended up later getting injured by a drunk driver was dependent on rather or not “person A” at the grocery store decided to exercise their free will to “serve the Lord” or NOT serve the Lord, see? The Lord’s theoretical request for us to stop and ask someone a question in the grocery store might not make sense to US but it makes perfect sense to HIM, see? There’s divine reasoning for EVERYTHING he asks us to do (both great and small). And when we DELAY to do it or don’t do it AT ALL (whatever he asks us to do WHEN he asks us to do it), consequences often strike.

The devil is very, very good at getting us to procrastinate and question things, question ourselves, question God, etc. (Believe me, I know from personal experience, here). And though we don’t always realize it, whenever we “stray” from Jesus, Jesus is not only ANGRY but he is FULL OF TEARS.

Have you ever felt or sensed the anger AND the “tears” of Jesus Christ when we’ve said/done something wrong? “I” have and it’s not a great feeling.

But then, the devil tries to FEED off that “guilt” we feel over displeasing Jesus Christ and tries to get us to believe that we are SO BAD, SO FILTHY in the Lord’s site, that the Lord Jesus will NEVER forgive us and accept us back. But my friend, these are all lies!

Jesus Christ LOVES YOU! And he wants to have a spiritual relationship with you! But he can’t do that if you won’t let him! REPENT of your sins and stop doing them! Read the bible! Get baptized in Jesus’s name! Get to know Jesus TODAY!

And if you’ve been straying from Jesus lately, COME BACK TO HIM! Don’t worry, don’t be scared. Jesus Christ will accept you back with wide, OPEN ARMS (provided you truly repented of your sins and prayed for FORGIVENESS of your sins).