Posts tagged ‘doubting Jesus’

IMPORTANT: What Jesus WANTS For *Godly Relationships!*

For those who don’t yet know my testimony or my story, I’ll give a brief overview here:

I had met Jesus personally during a couple of near-death experiences (one at around 23 months of age and another at just 14 years old). And at age 19, I knew who Jesus was. I had a huge children’s illustrated bible at my disposal (shortly after near-death experience #1), as well as the “official” KJV version I took from a ski resort condo when I was 15.

But at age 19-20, I still had NO IDEA what a “Christian” even WAS, the full extent to WHAT Jesus had done for mankind on the cross, or about any of the “meanings” of the words (“grace”, “born again”, “salvation”, etc.) of what I was reading in the “official” version of the KJV bible I was reading. I was really struggling to understand what it all meant. Well, one day in the mail, I got a invitation to a play (put on by a church) called: “Heaven’s Gate and Hell’s Flames”.

At first, I didn’t want to go. I thought I’d feel like the odd one out compared to all the people who’d been going to church their whole lives! However, after some grappling with the Lord over it, (i.e. remember when Moses got nervous about being the spokesman of Israel?) I decided to bite the bullet and take a chance and go, anyways! Well, I’m glad I did! First of all, I guy I had gone to High-School with had played the part of one of the angels! So hey, atleast I knew SOMEONE there, right?

And after the play, they handed out some FREE literature (Specifically, a small, brand-new pocket-sized “God’s Word: New Testament & Psalms). They told me to read it, look over it and then call them if I had any questions about what I was reading. They also assigned to me something called a “prayer accountability partner”, even though I didn’t really know what that meant at the time. And even though I was grateful for the FREE play and FREE literature, I was still somewhat hesitant about “attending church”. I just felt OVERWHELMED!

So I didn’t end up becoming a member of that church. Instead, I thanked them for the free bible and begun to read that God’s Word translation from cover to cover at home, in my own free time. But what really got me were the very first introductory pages! They just explained things to me SO WELL! Plus they even put the most important things IN BOLD! I knew that Jesus had some wonderful things in store for me by having them give me that easy-to-understand version of the New Testament! It’s just exactly what I needed at that time!

And as I begin to read and pour over the pages, I FINALLY began to understand what all those “words” meant (i.e. “grace”, “born again”, “salvation”), about what Jesus did, about how we’re all sinners and about how ONLY Jesus can save us from our sins! And so once I felt I had a firm grasp and understanding on THAT God’s Word translation, I quickly decided I was then gonna read the “official” King James Version, cover to cover, no matter how long it took!

(Please keep in mind that I had NO job at this point, had broken up with my S.O. AND had gotten kicked out of college! I was living off of savings/credit cards at that point. So for 8 months straight, that’s how Jesus orchestrated that time in my life so that it was just me and Him at that time! And what a wonderful BLESSING that turned out to be! Jesus was giving me a break from EVERYTHING and EVERYONE so that I could PEACEFULLY learn more about HIM and HIS GOSPEL!)

I understood most of everything I had read and was “amazed” at all the “love stories” (Boaz and Ruth, Jacob and Rachel, Isaac and Rebekah) that I had read! And I was young and filled with promise! I thought: “Hey, if it could happen to these folks in the bible, it can happen to ME, too!” I had this idea or picture in my mind that I’d meet my spouse by the age of 25, have kids by 30, and have a house by 35! In fact, don’t we ALL have pre-conceived notions in our mind like that?

So even though I had the KNOWLEDGE of Jesus and his gospel by age 21, I didn’t quite yet have the FAITH in Jesus that’s required! And so, for many years afterwards, that LACK OF FAITH in Jesus (concerning my love-life and considering other areas of my life) did me some SERIOUS HARM!

In fact, I was “mad at Jesus” for not bringing me a spouse for such a long, long time! I’m ashamed to even type this across the page but my “thoughts” for a LONG time concerning my love-life were the following: Jesus, you bring EVERYONE ELSE a spouse but not ME! Why? What’s wrong with ME? What are you punishing ME for? What wrong have “I” done against thee? Why am “I” not so-called deserving of a spouse but yet, other people seemingly ARE? Those people don’t even worship you AT ALL and they got a spouse before me! Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Tell me WHY!!!!???” 

I ended up not only being angry and bitter for MANY YEARS towards a few people that had majorly hurt me in my life but I also later ended up in FOUR consecutive abusive relationships! (Note: I had gotten so tired of “waiting on God” at that particular point in my life that I decided to “take matters into my own hands”).

Though none of them were physically abusive (I atleast got lucky in THAT regard), they were all emotionally, psychologically, mentally and SPIRITUALLY ABUSIVE! They CUT AWAY at my self-esteem, made me doubt myself, somewhat made me doubt God/Jesus, tampered with my faith, got me feeling VERY hopeless and depressed and ALMOST completely RUINED ME as a Christian! 

I had SO MUCH HATE in my heart towards the individuals who hurt me. “How could they?” I thought: “Jesus, how could you ALLOW that to happen to me at the hands of these people? Don’t you care about me AT ALL, Jesus? I was in this bitter, bitter place of anger, hurt, resentment, restlessness and mental/emotional ANGUISH! I was TORMENTED by the angered hatred I felt for those those individuals!

Odd thing is, I didn’t even really WANT to hate those individuals but my PRIDE got in the way of that! Even when Jesus gently said to me in my spirit: Told ya so! You should’ve listened to me and done things MY way, instead of your OWN way”, I was STILL stubborn about it. “But you don’t understand, Lord! You don’t understand what it’s like to be ME!” And the Lord seemed to say to me in my spirit, in response: “I CREATED you! I know you better than you even know YOURSELF!” 

It wasn’t really until I was about 30 years old or so that Jesus began to “soften” my heart towards the individuals who had hurt me and I began to see how my hate and resentment was EATING AWAY AT ME ON THE INSIDE! The Holy Spirit even revealed to me that my “hate” was eating away at MY SOUL! Wow! What a powerful, convicting description!

Eventually, I surrendered all that hurt, anger, fear, resentment to Jesus. I prayed: “Jesus, I don’t WANT to hate or resent anymore, it’s already taken SO MUCH from me! I WANT to be able to FORGIVE, so please HELP ME to FORGIVE and MOVE ON, as I know I can’t do it alone……only WITH your divine help, Lord!

And ya know what? Jesus IS faithful and true! He DID help me to forgive them. He pointed out SEVERAL things to me. First of all, he informed me that the people who hurt me were themselves hurting on the inside. Secondly, they didn’t even fully consciously realize how much they had hurt me. Thirdly, Jesus wanted me to know that it wasn’t my fault and that their OWN healing would ALSO someday come about BY my forgiving them! Wow! Such powerful words of wisdom!

And AS I forgave them [Jesus had me starting out by writing “forgiveness letters” to each person who had hurt me – though I had never hand-delivered the letters to them personally], I felt SO MUCH BAGGAGE lift OFF of me and my SPIRIT! I felt FREE for the first time in a VERY long time! My SOUL felt FREE! I felt PEACE! I felt LOVE! I felt JOY! I felt CONTENTMENT!

I no longer had “heart palpitations” or “anxiety attacks!” It was like a HUGE ANCHOR had been LIFTED off of me! I no longer felt “weighed down” by anger and hate! In fact, I was the happiest I had ever been! In fact, people started to notice. The relationships with the people who had hurt me began to DRASTICALLY improve! It was nothing short of a MIRACLE! (This was when I was around age 34 or so, I believe?)

However, even at 34, there was still alot of “spiritual work” to be done! Because at THAT point in my life, I STILL had no idea about the TRUTH about church history, the Judeo roots of Christianity, etc. I would learn all of that later (like, age 36 or so). It’s funny how the Lord reveals things to me in “stages”. Sometimes, I wish he’d reveal things to me all at once, but that’s a different post for a different day! 😉 Jesus has also (in the last several months) helped me to soften my heart towards HIMSELF, concerning certain things in my life! 

Okay, now fast forward to today. Even though I’ve been a Christian for about 20 years now, I’ve only most recently learned what Jesus expects for a GODLY RELATIONSHIP (be it a relationship, a friendship, a marriage, etc.) And what I learned in the series just BLEW ME AWAY! Wow! How had I not ever seen this before? And then I got to thinking. How many OTHERS out there have not seen this before? Probably SEVERAL

I’ve most recently viewed an 8-part series and a powerful one-hour+ sermon on the matter. And ALL of them were eye-opening! And ALL of them ask the same questions: “Am I seeking a spouse with the RIGHT spiritual mind, heart and attitude before God? If not, why? If so, is it GOD’S time for me to have a spouse yet? If not, am I willing to wait on God instead of giving in to my own selfish desires? And if already married, am I bringing Christ INTO the marriage?” 

I will embed all the videos down below. [NOTE: PLEASE GET OUT A PEN AND PAPER AND TAKE LOTS OF NOTES!!!!!] I pray and hope that these will help you and enlighten you as much as they helped and enlightened ME! 😉 The first video is entitled “5 Keys To Identifying Your SoulMate” by Toure Roberts in L.A. and the next SEVERAL videos are the 8-PART series by Michael Todd from Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma!

When You Feel Like Jesus “Doesn’t Love You”, Etc.

Note: I’ve previously written a similar post on the subject which can be found at: https://yeshua777.wordpress.com/2018/12/28/when-you-feel-like-giving-up-how-to-deal/

Lets face it, even the most “righteous” of Christian can sometimes feel like Jesus is “mad at them”, like he secretly “hates them”, like he is “utterly disappointed beyond compare” with them, and/or like he has technically “given up on them” etc.

And if most of us were completely & utterly HONEST, we’ve ALL felt that way atleast at SOME point in our lives or another, am I right? Some have felt that way for days, some for months and yet others for YEARS, even. But let me ask you THIS: Just WHOM or WHAT is BEHIND those “feelings?” Any guesses? Because it MOST CERTAINLY doesn’t come from Jesus & the heavenly angels!

ALL humans (biological males and biological females) were made in the image of God! And together, the biological male and biological female were modeled on two things and two things, ONLY: traditional marriage AND natural procreation!

And Satan, (as well as demons) as we all know, HATES the true image of God! In fact, that’s the very reason WHY there’s all of this “transgender”, “no gender”, “abortion”, “gay marriage”, “gay adoption”, and “sex change” stuff today,  that’s now even going into OVER-DRIVE! Because Satan is working OVER-TIME to try to DESTROY the image of God!!!!!!!!!!!

The bible says that Satan is here upon this Earth to KILL, STEAL, AND DESTROY! Well, “abortion” does all 3 things in ONE! Not to mention that homosexuals and “transgenders” have a MUCH HIGHER suicide rate than the national average! Therefore, Satan is DEFINITELY “killing and destroying” as much of the true/biological image of God that he possibly can! (And much more ferociously as the years go by, even! If an 11-year old drag queen dancing in a gay bar doesn’t attest to that very fact alone, that I don’t know what does!)

DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid) is God’s “authenticated signature” on his creation. So when you got things and people (namely Satan) trying to UNDO that, you’ve got someone who’s desperately trying to THWART the true image of God and God’s “authenticated signature” upon his ENTIRE CREATION!

Therefore, if Satan is THAT willing to try to THWART God’s authenticated signature upon God’s own creation, what makes anyone think that Satan will stop THERE? Satan (and even demons) KNOW that Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to Salvation! They simply KNOW it, there’s NO denying it or getting around it for them! Therefore, Satan reasons within himself, that if he CAN’T destroy Salvation in Jesus Christ for Mankind (in and of itself), his NEXT move is to try to RUIN OUR FAITH IN JESUS!

For if he can get us to QUESTION Jesus or to falsely make us think that Jesus has so-called “abandoned us” then maybe, just maybe (Satan reasons) he can STEAL US AWAY FROM JESUS FOR ***ALL ETERNITY!*** That’s quite a sobering thought, isn’t it, folks? And trust me, that sort of thought process doesn’t happen overnight! It’s a gradual build. It starts out so small, then eventually morphs into something much bigger.

Satan knows he oftentimes can’t get us to question our “faith” in Jesus, DIRECTLY. So he takes a more subtle, long, drawn out approach. He’ll oftentimes try to manipulate our “emotions” to try to get us to “stray” from the gospel (say, a “gay” friend or family member who “whines” that people “can’t help it” if they’re “gay” or the like). Or he’ll bring up past sins we’ve committed that we’re still grappling with (“remember when YOU did such n’ such?”)

Or a 3rd approach he’ll often try is to get us to compromise “just a little bit”, in the hopes that that small “compromise” to sin will soon lead to BIGGER COMPROMISES to sin (and it oftentimes DOES!) For example, you were given back 1 penny too much in change, so Satan tempts you with: “Oh come on, it’s a super hot summer day, do you REALLY want to have to go all the way back into the store, having to walk once again through the SCORCHING HEAT, just to return that ONE measly penny?”

And then, over time, “small sins” will eventually lead to “bigger sins” and once the “bigger sins” start happening, that’s when things start to spiritually spiral out of control! And it’s then and only then that Satan will oftentimes begin the “question Jesus altogether” plan! The following arguments are those often employed by Satan to try to eternally separate us from Christ:

  • “Are you SURE you’re good enough for salvation in Christ?”
  • “Christ isn’t looking to save the SUPER SINNERS like YOU!”
  • “You’re too bad, you’re too sinful, Jesus has ALREADY given up on you, my friend, hate to break it to you”
  • “What? You don’t believe that gay people should have equal rights? What a terrible, terrible person you are! How bigoted! How hateful!”
  • “Ah, so you haven’t heard from Jesus in awhile, eh? That’s because he hates you and has abandoned you!”
  • “It’ll ONLY be a matter of time before I conquer you! You’re so far from Christ that it’s not even funny!”
  • “Just where is your Jesus, now? I don’t see him anywhere around here, do YOU?”
  • ‘Jesus has given up on you! He WANTS you to suffer! He WANTS you to feel miserable and alone!”
  • “Jesus is highly disappointed in you right now! Look at all the FAILURES you’ve had in your spiritual life, lately!”
  • “You’re hardly making ANY difference in people’s lives! Nobody’s interested in hearing the gospel! You should just quit while you’re still ahead!”
  • “You’re a total JOKE! Even the demons think so!”
  • “You’ve committed SO many sins lately, you might as well join the dark side! Ha!”
  • ETC.

And when all of THAT fails, Satan gots more tricks up his “arsenal”, still! If he can’t get us to ABANDON or QUESTION our faith in Christ, or to commit major sins against Christ, he’ll instead try to work on FEAR! 

  1. “Am I really good enough to enter the New Millennial Kingdom someday?”
  2. “Will Jesus someday say to me, ‘Depart from me, I never knew you?'”
  3. “Is what I’m doing here down on this Earth good enough for Jesus?” 
  4. “What if x, y, z person doesn’t listen to me when I preach the gospel of Jesus to them? What is the point?”
  5. “Why DOES Jesus allow so much suffering in my life for? Does he care about me AT ALL?” 
  6. HAS Jesus given up on me down here on this Earth?”
  7. IS Jesus ever returning to the Earth? He certainly seems to be taking his sweet little time! Maybe he’s “changed his mind” about coming to the Earth a 2nd time!”
  8. “Maybe Jesus HAS abandoned me and there’s no hope left for me upon this Earth!” 

Romans 10:17 says: “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God”.

So let us now run through a spiritual “checklist”, if you will, in order to get to the bottom of WHY you feel like Jesus has “abandoned you” or “doesn’t love you anymore”:

  1. When’s the last time you read the bible? (King James version?) Has it been awhile? If so, WHY? And can you see how NOT reading the bible in a really long time has fully aided Satan’s full-thronged spiritual attack(s) AGAINST YOU? 
  2. Have you knowingly (or perhaps unknowingly) brought any “demonic objects” into your heart, home, car, soul or mind? If so, what are these objects and do you now see how these objects have invited “demonic spirits” (such as lethargy, doubt, anger, envy, depression, etc.) into your life, heart, mind, body, soul and HOME?
  3. WHERE do you think the feelings of “Jesus not loving me” are coming from? Do you think Jesus HIMSELF or his righteous holy angels are behind those feelings? And if they’re NOT behind those ungodly feelings, then who IS?
  4. In what ways has Satan “spiritually attacked” you, lately? Do you not realize that feeling that Jesus doesn’t love you IS a mode of Satan’s attack AGAINST YOU, in and of ITSELF? 
  5. If Jesus Christ doesn’t love you, then WHY did he die for YOUR sins (and all of mankind’s sins) on the cross? 
  6. If Jesus Christ doesn’t love you, then WHY did he send you here to THIS very blog post on the internet to reassure you of his love and to warn you of the TOTAL DEPTHS of Satan’s spiritual attacks UPON YOU? 
  7. If Jesus Christ doesn’t love you and if he’s TRULY given up on you the way that Satan “claims”, then why is Satan TRYING SO VERY HARD to get you to abandon your faith in Christ, altogether? Because obviously, Jesus has NOT given up on you in any way, shape or form, which is WHY Satan is fighting so desperately to try to eternally conquer your soul! Think about it, folks! 
  8. Do you realize that you’re not the ONLY one who’s going through these spiritual struggles right now and that MANY have either already gone through them or are now currently going through them? YOU’RE NOT ALONE

Here are SEVEN inspiring verses that I’d like to share with you all, concerning Jesus’s LOVE FOR US:

 

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life”

Ephesians 2: 4-7But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus”

1 John 3:1 “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not”

1 John 4: 9-11In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another

Galatians 2:20 “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me”

Romans 5:25By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us

Romans 8:37-39Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord”

STILL not sure if Jesus loves you or not? The fact in and of itself that you’re even ASKING the question TO BEGIN WITH proves that he loves you! HOW? The fact you even SPEAK his name, in and of itself, and the fact that you even BELIEVE upon his name PROVES that he loves you! For think about it, if Jesus didn’t love you (and I assure you, he DOES), then wouldn’t it stand to reason that he WOULDN’T want his name to be KNOWN to you? Think about it! If Jesus Christ did NOT love the world (as per John 3:16), then A) He NEVER would’ve died on the cross for forgiveness of mankind’s sins in the first place and B) He would NOT want his name to be KNOWN throughout the world! 

But even still, if you STILL don’t feel like Jesus loves you, then I will say a precious prayer for you, dear friend:

Jesus, there’s some unfortunate souls out there today who do NOT feel loved by you for whatever reason – most of those reasons being their own self-doubts brought about by Satan and demons! Please break Satan’s power over their lives! Please help them GET RID OF any demonic objects in their hearts, minds, cars or homes! Please help them to realize that they’re in a SPIRITUAL BATTLE for their VERY SOULS! Please show them the GREAT LOVE you have for them! Please show them the TOTAL DEPTHS that Satan WILL go to, in order to try to deceive them! Please liberate them from Satan’s grasp! Please give them a newfound hope & a future in YOU, O Lord! Please shine your heavenly grace upon them and give them a newfound faith and hope  that can ONLY be found in YOU and YOU, alone! Please give them a newfound faith in you that’s SO STRONG, that NOTHING can break it! NOTHING and NO-ONE! Prepare them for spiritual persecution and spiritual battle, for they will NEED it in these Last Days! Please bless them & keep them for all eternity! Amen“.