Posts tagged ‘Resentment’

Anger Solves NOTHING!

Anger. It’s an emotion we’ve ALL felt from time to time. The person in front of us at the checkout is taking too long. Someone cuts us off in traffic. Someone at work is micro-managing us. A friend, family member or complete stranger says something insensitive to us. We find that there was a mistake on our tax refund and/or that we’ve been overcharged on one or more of our bills. We’re driving a long distance and one of the tires suddenly has a blowout. The cat hops up on the cabinet (while we got our back turned for just THREE seconds) and helps him/herself to a piece of “sandwich” we’re in the process of making for lunch.

WHATEVER the situation, anger solves NOTHING! Anger will NOT, by any means:

  1. Make the person taking F-O-R-E-V-E-R at the checkout line in front of us suddenly speed up in a jiffy
  2. Make the person who cut us off in traffic UN-CUT us off in traffic or magically make them look over at us and mouth the words: I’m sorry
  3. Make the coworker who’s micro-managing us suddenly STOP, smile and say Sorry….I guess I AM micro-managing you, my apologies, didn’t mean to
  4. Make the friend, family member or complete stranger IMMEDIATELY apologize for their actions and ask for forgiveness
  5. Make the tax refund mistake go away or make the numbers magically change to the correct amount before our very eyes
  6. Make the tire IMMEDIATELY “re-correct” itself so we can keep on driving
  7. Make the cat UN-EAT the bite of sandwich and meow that they’re “sorry” (well….they might possibly meow that they’re sorry, but that’s besides the point………)

It’s pretty much a given that EVERY single human being on the planet is going to experience frustration and ANGER at SOME point in their existence. That’s a given. But it’s how we DEAL with that anger that matters.

Lets say you’re in a work situation. Your coworker Steve is micro-managing you to the HILT! No…..put that April file over here with the February files, that way, we can keep better track of it. So then you do and not 30 seconds later, he “barks” at you AGAIN: No….don’t put it at the BOTTOM of the pile, put it at the TOP of the pile of February documents (even if you’re sitting there questioning like, WHAT?? That makes no sense!!! The TOP of the pile???? Where the file might possibly not be found or be confused with the February or January files? What the HECK???”

And then, just to test your buttons of patience EVEN FURTHER (or so it seems), good-ole “Steve-O” comes at you YET AGAIN: “Put all your most current May and April 2017 folders in the TOP DRAWERS, we NEVER put them in the BOTTOM DRAWERS that are closest within reach, YOU KNOW THAT!

And it’s usually at THIS point in time that our fragile human minds want to scream EXPLETIVES at “Steve-O” and GIVE HIM A PIECE OF OUR MIND! (Which, ironically enough, is likely what Steve-O wants, in the first place. So why give him the satisfaction?)

But folks, we got to realize something, here. Whenever there’s something that “testing our patience to the limits“, it’s because of 2 reasons:

A). Satan and his demons are trying EVER-SO-HARD to BREAK US…….to GET us to FEEL angry, to GET us to FEEL resentful, to GET us to CUSS UP A STORM, SNAP, and/or possibly belittle others in the process!

B). Jesus is “using” the experience to TEACH us “patience”, as odd as that may sound.

Now, there’s TWO types of anger mentioned in the bible. There is what’s called RIGHTEOUS ANGER (Jesus over-turning the money changers’ tables in The Temple) and UNRIGHTEOUS ANGER (Cain’s anger over Abel, Esau’s anger towards Jacob, Saul pursuing David, Moses killing the Egyptian that was harassing a Hebrew slave, Herod’s anger with the 3 Wisemen, etc.)

Now, we can all “claim” that OUR ANGER towards the “sinful behaviors of others” is classified as “righteous anger”. But when’s the last time we honestly got “righteously angry” over the sinful behavior(s) of OURSELVES?

That’s PRECISELY the EXACT issue that Jesus is discussing in Matthew 7: 3-5 which states: “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye

In other words, we can’t fully “call out/rebuke” the unrighteousness in OTHERS until we first “call out/rebuke” the unrighteousness in OURSELVES………Because Romans 3:23 says: “For ALL have sinned, and come short of the glory of God”. That means that NOBODY is perfect. NONE. None on the ENTIRE EARTH, past, future or present.

The ONLY being that is WITHOUT sin is ofcourse, JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY. While he lived on the Earth, he was BLAMELESS and WITHOUT SIN. That’s WHY he was a suitable sacrifice unto God to “take away the PENALTY of the sins of the world/mankind”. Because only one who is completely WITHOUT SIN can be a suitable enough sacrifice to TAKE AWAY THE PENALTY OF ALL SIN (in God’s eyes), if that makes any sense?

Now, lets look at the 7 above “anger-inducing cases” and see what happens when those people DON’T sinfully ACT on their anger:

  1. The person getting “irritated” at person in front of them in line sighs, takes a deep breath, patiently waits and then it’s THEIR turn. Life goes on.
  2. The person was cut off in traffic realizes that there’s a possibility that the person who cut them off did so “accidentally” and doesn’t fret about it. 
  3. The person being micro-managed at work stops, takes a deep breath and realizes that the micro-manager is either highly stressed themselves or only trying to be helpful and doesn’t fret about it.
  4. The person who an insensitive thing was said to rationally realizes that the person probably didn’t even realize what was said was insensitive and just rolls with it. Life goes on.
  5. The person who sees a mistake on their tax refund sighs, takes a deep breath and then calmly calls the IRS phone number to let them know what’s going on. They know eventually they’ll get the check for the correct amount and don’t fret about it.
  6. The person who had a tire blow-out will eventually fix it themselves or stay calm, figuring that help will soon be on the way.
  7. The person who had their kitty eat part of their sandwich LAUGHS about it, instead of gets mad about it, then makes themselves another sandwich cause hey, it’s not the end of the world, right?

Now, we’ve SEEN cases in the bible where people ACTED IMMEDIATELY on their anger 

  1. Cain killing Abel
  2. Esau plotting to kill Jacob
  3. Saul plotting to kill David
  4. Herod killing all boys, aged 2 and under
  5. Moses killing the Egyptian, who was “being brutal” towards the Israelite slave worker
  6. Moses SMASHING the clay tablets of stone with God’s law on them (upon seeing the disobedient children of Israel)
  7. Balaam beating his donkey for what HE thought was “weird behavior”
  8. Jezebel plotting to kill Elijah
  9. Haman being FURIOUS over Mordecai not bowing down to him and giving him obeisance
  10. Jonah got mad at God for NOT destroying the city of Nineveh (after his prophesying) AND for making him preach there in the first place?
  11. ETC.

Just like we can see cases where anger was likely HELD IN……..(and not acted upon):

  1. Abraham was likely secretly resentful/angry of Sarah demanding Hagar & Ishmael’s “banishment” since it was Sarah’s idea in the FIRST place for Abraham to marry Hagar and have children by her.
  2. When Jacob deceived Esau out of his birthright and out of his “patriarchal blessing”, Isaac was likely “silently angry” with both his sons (Esau, for being so “careless” about his birthright/blessing and with Jacob for having deceived Esau AND HIM).
  3. Jacob was likely VERY ANGRY (on the inside) with Laban for deceiving him into marrying Leah, instead of Rachel
  4.  Leah was likely resentful/angry towards her father for making her marry a man, Jacob, who clearly did NOT love HER, the way that Jacob loved Rachel, her younger sister), with Jacob (for loving Rachel more than her, and spending the MAJORITY of his nights with Rachel) AND with Rachel, for “being the favorite” of Jacob, etc.
  5. Jacob was likely resentful/angry (or at the VERY least, highly “annoyed”) with Leah for “buying a night with him with her son Reuben’s mandrakes”
  6. Old Testament Joseph was likely secretly angry with his brothers for selling him off as a slave, etc.
  7. Jacob (as well as Benjamin?) were likely secretly angry with all the other sons, after “initially” discovering the truth about Joseph (that he was initially “sold as a slave in Egypt”)
  8. Shem & Japheth were likely secretly angry with their brother Ham, for acting so foolishly and dishonorable with their “drunken” father, Noah
  9. New Testament Joseph likely felt HURT, BETRAYED, AND secretly angry/disappointed with his espoused, Mary, for what HE must’ve thought was her “going out on him”, BEFORE discovering that she was “immaculately pregnant with the Messiah, Jesus Christ”
  10. Mary’s own parents were likely secretly angry with her for what THEY thought was her “dishonorable behavior” before THEY knew she was “miraculously pregnant with the Messiah”
  11. ETC.

It’s funny how many Christians today sort’ve hold alot of the biblical characters up on a pedestal and act as though they never “thought” or “did” anything wrong. But folks, ALL biblical characters (save for Jesus Christ himself) were FAR FROM PERFECT. And many of them (just like many of us do, TODAY) got ANGRY and IMMEDIATELY ACTED UPON THAT ANGER!

As for all the bible characters that seemed to “hold it in”, for every single time they were able to be patient and hold their anger IN, there was likely a counter time in their lives when they did NOT hold their anger in and acted more like the “insta-charge angerers” list up above.

Now think back to the last time you got angry about something…….TRULY ANGRY. Did it solve anything? Did it make the situation better? Or did it just make things worse? How did it impact the others around you? (And how did it affect your children, spouse, coworkers and even PETS?) Did it turn out to be a worthwhile experience? Did it make you feel happy and fulfilled at all? Did you feel as though the anger was “worth it?” Did you feel as though it pleased Jesus Christ at all?

Because the truth is, anger solves NOTHING and takes away EVERYTHING! It takes away your mind, heart, sanity and spirit! And if left PERPETUALLY UNCHECKED, anger can be the catalyst for you losing your own very SOUL! Anger causes people to do MANY, MANY unrighteous and harmful things (both to themselves and to others). Anger causes hate and violence, rape and murder, ruined relationships and marriages, all sorts of sin and crime. It’s not worth it.

The next time you feel angry (about ANYTHING or ANYONE), just take a deep breath, relax, take ANOTHER deep breath and IMMEDIATELY re-asses the situation. And ask yourself, “is it worth it?”

Anger won’t repair your relationship or marriage……..won’t make things better for you at home or work……..won’t make you a better son/daughter, friend, coworker, spouse, niece/nephew, grandson/granddaughter, etc.

Anger (in and of itself) will help destroy everything you’ve ever worked for. Don’t let it win. Don’t let Satan and his demons win. Remember that WHEN the Old Testament characters unleashed their anger, unchecked, they were PUNISHED for it by God! However…..whenever they held their anger in and did NOT act on it, they were BLESSED FOR IT, BY GOD!

Now, that doesn’t mean that it’s not alright to feel angry from time to time, as anger is a normal, human emotion. It’s just what we DO with that anger that counts. Ephesians 4: 26-27 says: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil”. So, in other words, when we let anger stew and come out full strength, the bible says we are “giving place to the devil”, meaning, we’re giving him leeway in our lives!  

I want to share my own personal experience here with anger and what all it’s done (or hasn’t done) for me. I’m usually a patient person and it takes alot to get me angry. But when my patience is tested to the hilt, I don’t tend to get just a “little” angry……Without prayer and intercession by the Lord Jesus, I tend (as a whole) to get REALLY ANGRY! And all the times I got REALLY ANGRY in my life, it did absolutely NOTHING for me. In fact, it has DESTROYED close relationships I’ve had in my life! It has taken so much FROM ME and has done absolutely nothing FOR me!

Anger robs the soul of LIFE! It really does. You can even spend your whole entire LIFE being mad at someone (or at God, even). Only to later find that it SOLVES NO PURPOSE! People that were estranged from parents/friends/relatives, for example, and hated them for YEARS? When they DO finally make up with them and start speaking to them again, they’re oftentimes GRIEVED about all that WASTED TIME that they COULD’VE SPENT together, making amends and letting bygones be bygones.

And all the times in my life when I just let my anger go, did NOT act on it, but prayed to the Lord Jesus Christ about it and trusted JESUS with it? Miraculous things would start to happen…….Things at work and home would start to run much smoother……..things that made me so angry before no longer seemed like such a big deal, anymore……the grass & trees looked greener, the sun looked brighter, the singing birds sounded more beautiful, people were nicer, plus I was FAR more content & happier……happier than I’ve ever been, actually…….

So if you’re angry about someTHING or someONE, I want you to ask yourself if it’s worth it. Is it worth all that LOST TIME that you COULD be spending making amends with that person/those people? It says in the bible that we must forgive others if we ourselves want to be forgiven. So what does that entail, one might ask? Well, for one, it means LETTING GO OF ANGER. I know that’s hard to do. I know it’s easier said than done. (Been there, done that, I KNOW how it feels). But if we want to move FORWARD (both, in our spiritual relationship with Jesus Christ AND with each other), then we MUST let go of our resentments/ANGER (anger towards God/Jesus, towards other people, & towards ourselves, etc.)

Even SELF-ANGER (anger at self) is DESTRUCTIVE and serves no purpose. For how can we faithfully serve God/Jesus is we’re too busy condemning ourselves to oblivion? Who CARES about what sin we did 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 2 years ago or 2 months ago? Does that REALLY hold any true bearing for what we’re doing for the Lord Jesus Christ in the HERE and the NOW?

The anti-thesis of anger is PATIENCE…..humbled PATIENCE. Jesus Christ puts us in “long lines”, etc. at the bank or grocery store, etc. to teach us PATIENCE. Jesus puts us in EVERY “patience-testing situation” to teach us PATIENCE. In fact, did you know that Satan the Devil gets ANGRY whenever WE are PATIENT? It’s true. And whenever WE get ANGRY and ACT ON IT, Satan’s happy as a lark! That’s WHY we should never let Satan win in the “war on anger”.

If you or someone you know is currently struggling with the perpetual problem of ANGER, I would HIGHLY encourage you to pray to the Lord Jesus Christ about it, HUMBLE YOURSELVES before Jesus, give your whole LIFE to him, and then, just sit back and watch all the miraculous things he’ll do in your life, when you CONQUER YOUR UNRIGHTEOUS ANGER IN JESUS’S NAME! 😉

Plus, here’s another thing you can try. The very next time you feel your anger rising, immediately shout within your spirit: “PRAISE JESUS! FOR BY HIS HEAVENLY NAME, I WILL LEARN PATIENCE & ENDURANCE!” And believe me folks, IT WORKS! It’s helped to calm me down in almost EVERY situation that’s made me immediately mad! However, when I DIDN’T do that….my anger became more apparent. So just goes to show ya.

And yes, though I DO still struggle with anger in my life from time to time (especially in the work setting), I’m getting much, much better these days at conquering it in Jesus’s name! And I pray that all of you will continue to do the same! 😉

“I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me” – Philippians 4:13

When Someone Stabs You In The Back……

How many of us have ever had someone proverbially stab us in the back?

A friend? A coworker? An ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? A possible family member? Or even a complete stranger?

And how did we feel when they very first did so?

Our first reaction was likely shock and anger, followed by a sense of hurt, resentment & disillusionment. In our younger day, we might’ve thought of *revenge tactics* to get back at them. But in our older day, we slowly come to realize that two wrongs don’t make a right and also that there’s usually something going on with a person psychologically or emotionally if they hurt someone like that.

But you got to realize something. Nine times out of ten, it’s not ABOUT you. It’s really about them and their character. Sometimes someone is having a bad day and happens to “snap” or say something/do something unkind to you. Sometimes someone else is jealous of what YOU have and decide to take it out on you, somehow. And sometimes, a person doesn’t even REALIZE they’re being mean/unkind to you. 

Many people who feel insecure in their own lives will go about trying to put down other people trying to make themselves feel better. But that doesn’t mean you have to partake in their drama. No. You can be better than that.

When Jesus Christ died on the cross for forgiveness of mankind’s sins, he KNEW how humans would be like after that. He knew the future that would encapsulate the “culture” surrounding the passage of Matthew 24:12-13: And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.” Just like he KNEW that many people, in the End of Days, would stab each other in the back and constantly try to “one up” one another (either for the pure revenge of it or just for the mere “fun” of it). 

And though there is the popular saying “don’t get mad, get EVEN”, Jesus Christ would likely say to each of us something along the lines of: “I understand if you’re mad/hurt about this but don’t let your anger get the best of you and do NOT get even”. The Lord God said in the bible in Romans 12:19 (KJV) Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord”

In other words, if we HATE someone that hurt us,  or go out of our way to try to hurt THEM, the only person we’re hurting is ourselves. It takes SO much time and mental energy to HATE someone. But it takes very little time and energy to try to forgive someone. Afterall, we’re all human, we ALL make mistakes.

And besides, that person might not have realized they’ve hurt us. And if they hurt us *intentionally*, well, then it’s really themselves that they’re hurting. Cause no true person in their RIGHT MIND would have to go to such great lengths to hurt someone unless they themselves were hurting from within. Cause remember…the old saying really IS true: “misery loves company”. 

Though some people that LIKE to “one up” people seem to feel pretty good about themselves from the onset. But lets face it. No truly CONFIDENT person would have to hurt someone in order to prove their worth. For if they were TRULY confident in themselves, they wouldn’t HAVE to prove anything, see? Because they’d technically already KNOW their self-worth, without having to prove or justify it.

But I see that type of behavior in people all the time. Female friends try to steal each other’s boyfriends. Brothers try to steal their brothers’ girlfriend(s). Children/teens are rude/mean to their parents or vice versa. Coworkers try to rip each other to shreds when the boss is not looking. Ex-boyfriends and girlfriends acting all “catty” with one another, trying to make one another jealous…Or even people on Youtube MAJORLY mocking others on Youtube, even.

We are now living in the End of Days and what Jesus Christ said in Matthew 24:12-13 (New Testament, book of Matthew, chapter 24, verse 12-13)“And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved”.

Proverbs 20:22 says: “Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the Lord, and he shall save thee”

Plus the Lord’s Prayer states the following:

“Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen”

“So what does THAT mean?”, you may ask yourselves. (The part in which I particularly emphasized and underlined, that is).

It means that if WE want to be forgiven by Jesus Christ for all the wrong things that WE ourselves have ever said or done throughout our lifetime, that WE must forgive OTHERS that have said or done wrong/hurtful things towards US.

And I know that’s easier said than done. But the good thing about the Lord Jesus Christ is that he will ALWAYS answer a sincere prayer.

If there’s someone in your life who has majorly hurt you and you’re having trouble forgiving that person, then take it to Jesus. Pray to him the following:

“Lord, I’m still very hurt and angry over this person who has hurt me. Please help me with forgiving this person as I am still struggling with that. I don’t WANT to hate this person or be mad at them anymore. Please help me Lord. Amen”

And the Lord will slowly help you forgive that person. And once you truly forgive a person and are able to move on with your life, it is the most peaceful, happiest feeling in the world. It’s like the Lord Jesus Christ has set your soul free from the *sinful bondage* of hate/resentment/anger.

Note: EVEN IF somebody has already passed on or you’ve lost contact with that person, you can STILL forgive that person or those people and be released from the sinful bond of anger/resentment/hatred. Just pray: “Lord, I know it’s too late at this point to have an Earthly reconciliation with this person, but please cleanse my heart and mind and allow me to fully forgive this person. Thank-you, Lord. Amen”.

And if it’s a case where you just can’t seem to forgive this person, no matter WHAT you do, (be they dead/lost contact with or alive), pray the following prayer :

“Lord, this person has done SO much to hurt me, I’m STILL angry, hurt, disillusioned, scared. I don’t know if I can ever forgive this person or not, on my own. Please heal me and cleanse me from within so that I can someday forgive this person with no sinful burden of anger in my heart. I don’t WANT to hate anymore! Please help me get rid of the hate in my heart so that I can forgive this person. Amen”.

And pray and believe the prayer with ALL your heart, ALL your soul and ALL your mind and the Lord Jesus WILL cleanse you and help you forgive that person/people! MARK MY WORDS!

See, cause if you CONTINUE to hate someone for hurting you without forgiving them, not ONLY will Jesus Christ not forgive YOU for all YOUR sins throughout your lifetime [Jesus said during the Sermon on the Mount that hate is = to murder in our hearts!] but the hate and resentment will just eat AWAY at you, night and day. Sooner or later, you will start to hate everything and EVERYONE. You will become extremely pessimistic and bitter and find no joy in ANYTHING. Your life will hardly seem worth living.

But if you can learn to forgive someone for hurting you (with the Lord Jesus’s divine help, ofcourse), then your soul will be SET FREE from all that *negative energy* trying to weigh you down. You will feel relaxed, as if a HUGE weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You will feel content and free and joyous in the Lord and joyous in your life. Plus you will be better able to start preaching the gospel again and maybe even having some more opportunities to spread the gospel. Your spirit will feel *spiritually revived*.

Sometimes people are depressed and got problems in their life. So they subconsciously try to hurt or lie to others to try to make themselves feel better. Yet, others are sometimes jealous of what we have and what they feel they do NOT have. But regardless the reason, NEVER let it get to you! Not only does Jesus Christ say we must FORGIVE the people that hurt us in our lifetime but we must also PRAY for them.

We must pray that Satan will lose his grip on their souls and that the Lord will open up their eyes and make them see what they are doing and why it is wrong.

[[And ya know what? Many a Satanist, Wiccan, Atheist, Scientist, Agnostic, criminal, etc. were brought to faith in God by the DILIGENT prayers of the loved ones and/or Christians around them. So never say never. For NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH THE LORD! 😉

In fact, remember that section of the Old Testament that talks about Abraham and his wife Sarai and how God told Abraham that his wife Sarai was to have a baby (even in her old age?) And how both she and Abraham laughed at the idea on separate occasions and of how God said in Genesis 18: 13-14: And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old? Is any thing too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son”.

On the other hand, we should never TOLERATE repeated bad behavior from others. There’s a difference between forgiving someone and getting out of a bad situation.

But no matter the situation, one thing is clear. Jesus Christ hears ALL the prayers of his faithful (those who strive to live by his standards in the bible and beyond).

Even if you DO resent someone right now or you feel like you’re 20 million miles away from Jesus Christ right now, or him from you, pray to be restored to him. Pray that he’ll help you forgive people or overcome whatever sin you’re struggling with right now. Time is of the essence.

The sooner you forgive people in your life, and the sooner you become restored to Jesus Christ again, the better.

I pray for all the souls that read this and pray that each soul that reads this is either brought back to Jesus Christ or comes to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ before it’s too late and their souls are lost for eternity. Amen.

 

 

 

Self-Sabotaging: I Never Knew……Until NOW….

Self-sabotaging.

It can come in many other forms besides just drugs, crime, self-cutting, etc.

It took me awhile to see this, but I have most recently discovered that I am my own worst enemy; meaning that I am the only one who’s sabotaging myself and my life. And trust me, that was a hard pill for me to swallow.

Most recently, the Lord Jesus has shown me just how MUCH I’ve been self-sabotaging myself and my relationships in my life and also just how MUCH my life would be different if I were to lean on him and TRUST him, instead of just always trying to do things MY way.

I’ve seen Christians judging other Christians right and left and I always used to say to myself “I’ll never be like one of those”. Looking back however, it kind’ve reminds me of the parable/story in the bible where two men go to pray. One of them says “thank you Lord that I am not like THOSE men” while the other man said “oh Lord, please have mercy on me, a sinner!” The first man was a Pharisee and the second man was a poor man. And in my own self-righteousness in my past, I became like the Pharisee (something I had always sworn to myself that I’d never become).

But anyways, back to the story. So due to my employment struggles and life struggles, I began to feel disillusioned and like the whole entire world was against me (even those close to me). I began to think negative thoughts of myself and others over time (I admit this to my shame) and then, it wasn’t long before the “resentment” started to eat away at me and consume me. I then became VERY pessimistic of a person and even downright “irritated” with people who were happy and joyous in life or that trusted the Lord completely. (Though deep, deep down, I was jealous. I wanted to trust the Lord as much as THEY did and to also feel the joy that THEY feel, being right with God). But the Devil kept tearing away at me night and day saying “you’re already too far gone, there’s no hope for you” and “Jesus hates you now”.

And for awhile there (I also admit this to my shame), I started believing the Devil’s lies. And it wasn’t long before I wasn’t able to trust anyone or ANY THING in my life. Whenever someone was friendly with me, I’d say to myself “yeah right, they’re being fake with me”. Whenever a guy would try to innocently look at me or ask me out, I’d say “yeah right, he probably only wants one thing”. Whenever I had a friend say to me “don’t worry about your past friends that stabbed you in the back, I never would”, I’d think “yeah right, you’re probably just as bad if not WORST than my other friends”. And whenever I’d get a job interview and wouldn’t get the job, I’d assume the worst and just start to automatically shut down and give up saying to myself “my gosh, if THIS place won’t hire me, then probably NOBODY will hire me!”

It even got to the point where I was even starting to get paranoid, fearing that people were talking bad about me at the grocery store, at the gas station, etc. And I even started to blame the people most close to me for all the things that were going wrong in my life, even.

Only most recently did Jesus Christ open up my eyes by more or less spiritually saying to me “Ya know what? Next to Satan, you’re your own worst sabotager and own worst enemy that I know”. He then raised his voice a little in the dream and more or less asked “WHY WON’T YOU WAIT ON ME AND TRUST ME? DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING? ESPECIALLY SINCE I CREATED THE UNIVERSE AND THE HEAVENS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN? WHY WON’T YOU TRUST ME? I **DO** HAVE A PLAN, AFTERALL….IF YOU WILL ABIDE IN ME, THAT IS….” (there seemed to be some sort of doubt or hesitation in his voice about rather or not I would abide in him or not).

But one thing is clear: the only person responsible for all the actions in my life (rather good or bad) is me, myself and I. It’s not my loved ones’ fault that I’m depressed and having trouble finding employment these days. It’s not my loves ones’ fault that none of my relationships have been successful so far. All of it is attributed to ME. Because the truth is, I’m depressed, having trouble finding employment and have yet to have a successful relationship DUE to the fact that I had most recently strayed from the Lord. And this is just the Lord chastising me.

The Lord had said to me “write this person a letter and apologize”. I didn’t do it for the longest time. The Lord said “ask this person the question ‘what are your thoughts on life & God?’ ” and I didn’t do it. The Lord said “apply for this part-time job or perhaps that one”. I didn’t do it. Instead, I just sat around and wallowed in my own self-misery for a long time, with a “woe is me” attitude. And look where that got me! It got me absolutely NOWHERE!

So please…..I beg of you! DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I’VE MADE, MOST RECENTLY! Don’t sabotage the good things in your life out of distrust or fear. Don’t refuse to obey the commands of the Lord. TRUST JESUS AND WAIT ON JESUS CHRIST and have the total FAITH that he will see you through, no matter what! Do NOT make the same mistake I did and find yourself in front of the face of Jesus in a dream with Jesus turning to you and saying that next to Satan, you are your own worst sabotager and greatest enemy!

Moral of the story? TRUST JESUS CHRIST ALWAYS……..NO MATTER WHAT. Faith is EVERYTHING. For we can not enter Jesus Christ’s “New Earth” someday without faith. Faith is the thing that will either make us or break us in the end. So please, I beg of you. If you don’t have faith, PRAY to have faith. Pray to have more faith with ALL your heart, ALL your mind, ALL your body, and ALL your spirit and it shall be granted you. MARK MY WORDS!